Burly Almaty defender Tadhg "Big Cat" O'Connell is the latest Almaty ace to be embroiled in a sordid vice tale, after being photographed engaged in a nude romp with a mystery hairy man.
Initial observations suggest that the unknown participant may be the 'missing link'. Scientologists from the Himalayas as well and the Rocky Mountains are said to be flocking to Garretstown to search for this mystery man-beast. The area has not such a frenzy of activity since the moving statue saga of nearby Ballinspittle, although speculation suggests that this was no more than a drunken prank by holidaying prods out for a laugh.
Meanwhile, Almaty gaffer "Gaffer" is being unusually silent at the latest bombshell. Normally a stickler for discipline, "Gaffer" has refused to condemn the vile antics of his curvacious, no-nonsense defender. This has given rise to rampant speculation that "Gaffer" may have been involved with the sick sex-games. Indeed, rumours persist that the depraved acts were part of a bizarre annual ritual associated with the obscure and twisted pseudo-religion of "Gaffer" and his associates.
In a new development, one-time Almaty associate "Desperate" Dan O'Connell has moved to distance himself from the sick scandal. In a brief statement to the press as he left a waxing clinic in Douglas, O'Connell said "That could be any hairy man who has a history of getting naked in Spratt's mobile home in Garretstown, anyone!"
Disgruntled Almaty squad player Alex "Man On!!" O'Donovan has denied being the insider who leaked the seedy pics.
As for Almaty, when will the madness end??
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