Almaty Athletic 3 Gleibenhagg FC 4

Spot the sulk!

Almaty went into tonight’s game knowing that at a minimum a point was required to keep their title ambitions within their own hands; sadly this was not to be. Keith “Kinky Games” SP was out with “a pain in his chest” and his loss was to prove crucial. In his absence Dr Phil was recalled to add a bit of class to the team. Long term absentee Morgan “who are you?” Foley was also unavailable, as well as Jim “drinks like a fish” Butler, who was going cold turkey after a heavy weekend of abuse. The team lined up with Safehands in goal, a back three of James G, Tadhg and Dr. Phil, Alex in midfield and Gav up top. Ant and Billy started on the bench.

The game started at a high pace and as is typical of Almaty’s season so far they conceded an early goal. Gliebenhagg’s striker found space on the left and curled a right footed effort into top corner given Safehands no chance. The Hagg’s doubled their lead five minutes later when a strong shot was handled like a hot potato by Safehands. The ball fell to the Hagg’s striker who duly turned and slotted home for their second. Disaster was to strike again five minutes later when the Hagg’s made it three. As Almaty pressed they got suckered on the counter-attack. The Hagg’s forward broke free on the right finished beautifully again with the aid of the post; and again giving Safehands no chance. The fourth came shortly afterwards when the Hagg’s striker received the ball with his back to the goal; swiveled and slotted home to the bottom corner.

Despite the four goals conceded the Hagg’s were not the only team in the game. Almaty played with pace and determination but lacked the killer touch up front. Chance after chance went a begging. In a key moment James G threaded a great through ball to the oncoming Spratt who was cynically taken out by the Hagg’s defender. This was the first of many dirty challenges by men from Gliebenhagg. Alas the little gay referee signaled only for a free kick. No yellow? And no penalty? Crouchy nearly took full advantage but the resultant free kick cannoned off the woodwork. Almaty did manage to pull one back before half time when Gav “got the ball, turned and shot low to the keeper’s left… after missing umpteen chances beforehand!!!” Quote unquote.

The Almaty players took stock at half-time; whilst somewhat dejected there was a feeling among the group that a comeback could be on the cards. The only thing holding them back was the pre-season training most players had undertaken before the game. They would have to play the second half on reserves.

The second half began in the same vein as the first: a high-paced game with a lot of dirty tackles. Tempers boiled over when another bad tackle by Hagg’s baldy striker resulted in Tadhg raising his hands (“you just can’t do that, the players know, when you raise your hands etc. etc…”) to the little twat. The altercation resulted in both players being sin binned. However, this was to work to Almaty’s advantage as the game was now more open. Almaty fans were left wondering whether or not it was to be their night when Dr Phil rounded the keeper only to slot the ball wide of the open goal. Almaty’s cause was helped further when the ref finally made a decision and sin binned another Hagg’s player for petulance. A breakthrough came when a ball was laid off to Spratt on the right hand side who drilled a low shot into the bottom corner; his first of the season! The second followed shortly after some good work from Alex saw him slip the ball past the oncoming keeper to Spratt who guided the ball towards the net and was ultimately knocked in by the Hagg’s defender – they all count. 4-3! Despite huge pressure Almaty were unable to secure the fourth in what would have been a memorable comeback. A man of the match display by the Hagg’s keeper saw him produce some great saves to deny Almaty.

Tempers flared again at the end when Jer “Handbags” Sweetnam was bowled over for the second time by the baldy c*nt of a forward. After much shaping and dishing the handbags were put away and the final whistle was blown.

Working on the assumption that Slievenamon won their game the two sides are now level on points but Slievenamon have a much better goal difference. The last day of the season will see Almaty play Whitfords and Slievenamon play Citco. It is fairly safe to assume that Citco will roll over like a pack of pansies leaving Almaty with only pride to play for after losing 4-0 to Whitfords earlier on in the season.


Dejected Almaty players!