Comeuppance Pie

To show what good sports we are here at Almaty Athletic, this week's match report comes from some geezer up in Citco... but before we hand over to him, it must be pointed out that Almaty were missing SP, Galvin and Dr Phil, then we lost Morgan in the hours before the kick-off. Of those that turned up, Jim could barely move due to a dodgy neck/shoulder/back, Alex had the flu, Gav was hungover still from a weekend on the sauce, and Gaffer and Tadhg were just back from a week in Vegas!! Throw in the worst refereeing display ever, some outrageously flukey toe-bogs, and pre-match hubris from Almaty, this game was a car crash waiting to happen... But we're not bitter.

Anyway, let them enjoy their moment...


After nine pre-season warm up games Citco FC kicked off their Astro League campaign with an impressive 3-2 win over a rather lack luster Almaty Athletic. Five goals, two Duggan’s, one sin bin, a frustrating keeper and a winning toe poke of doom decided a highly competitive encounter.

Labeled the whipping boys, Citco entered the game realising the self professed best team in the league would go all out to secure an early lead. This however did not occur thanks to a rock solid defence of Duggan, O’Mahony and Mark “Mini” Dawson. Dawson, who took exception to this name, led the charge and putting Alex "made of steel" O'Donovan quickly in his pocket.

Citco had the greater of the earlier chances, asking questions of an Almaty defense that looked frail from the kick off. After five clean chances Citco took the lead with an Ian Mulvihill left foot strike stunning the Almaty keeper. Almaty were quick to respond with an equaliser from Jim Butler that took a slight deflection. The first half concluded with some questionable referee decisions and a frustrated Almaty leaving the pitch wondering what they are going to do to increase on their already impressive scoring record.

The second half proved a less amicable affair than the first. An already frustrated Almaty played a “headless chicken chasing the ball” approach whilst Citco maintained most of the possession. Almaty’s lone striker proving ineffective against the Citco defence and instead started playing Russian Roulette with Citco’s more capable keeper. A game he lost every time especially when he insanely charged only to collide with the Immovable Mountain. After, while trying to regain his breath, he constantly wasted it by whinging to the Referee. Citco’s calm and sturdy prowess reaped rewards in terms of a second Mulvihill goal.

A wind of change came at this point, Citco 2-1 in front, Almaty noticeably frustrated. A lapse in Citco concentration resulted in a classic equaliser from Tadhg O'Connell against the run of play. Considering their status in the league it was good to see at least one bit of quality from Almaty.

This however did not ease frustrations and O'Mahony quickly learned why the man of steel was the man of steel. Was it the two megs in the first half on him, was it Dawson’s/Duggan’s masterful defending that frustrated, was it the almighty kicking received last week and a dose of the flu. Who knows, however a poor and mistimed tackle led to Mr. O'Donovan’s exit and O’Mahony wondering what good shin guards really are.

Citco pressured a demoralised and lost Almaty for the remainder of the half who no longer looked like dominant league leaders, but more a group of cheerleaders who lost their Pom Poms. The winner coming from John Dinneen and his right big toe with five minutes remaining sealed a famous Citco victory.

The ref’s whistle blew and Citco were congratulated by other league teams on a cracking win. Almaty however went to the trees in search of a phantom ball, waiting until everyone left before bowing out of CIT in shame. On the night the better team won. From here Citco march on in this 5 game season unbeaten and O'Mahony is heading to the ER as his shin really should not look like that.

With Tiger McTadhg’s threat of “does someone want a finger up the bum?” it's funny that the great Almaty were the team that truly got stuffed.

For those interested, the victorious Citco team will be parading around Cork Business Park in an open-top Hertz Courtesy Bus to celebrate the glorious triumph from 9am to 5pm tomorrow (not including morning coffee break, lunch-break and tea-break. Subway will be producing commemorative 3-inch subs (one inch for each of Citco's points in the league) to mark the occasion. And in breaking news, the CEO of Citco Group has announced a day's vacation for all staff world-wide to mark the achievement...