Almaty continued their undefeated run this season with a comprehensive 8-1 win over The Bananaskins and what’s more the rout was completed without the league’s top-scorer, Gav “Goal Machine” Jeffers.
There was a delayed kick-off as the refs preferred to have a chat rather than start the games. This suited The Bananaskins as they were short a player at the start. With the numerical advantage Almaty attempted to pile on the pressure but they were hindered by wayward shots which saw the precious magic yellow football banished into the tree much to the annoyance of Mark “It’s in the f*!king tree” Dawson. However, the break through came five minutes in when the ball was played in from the left hand side by Dave “Brother of Phil” Smith to his sibling Phil “Brother of Dave” Smith who with the deftest of touches slipped Marco “Give me the ball and I will score” Machado who got the ball and scored!
Almaty’s fans expected the floodgates to open however they were shocked when The Bananaskins striker skinned Mark “No. 8 Bus” Dawson and ran on to score. The Bananaskins now had a complete team but Almaty kept applying pressure. Their keeper pulled off a fine save from a rare left-foot shot by “Gaffer” Spratt. He further kept them in the game on several occasions when he denied Phil “Emile” Smith.
Marco doubled his goal tally with a great strike from the edge of the box. Almaty's third came about when Mark “Beckanbauer” Dawson played a through ball to Marco who duly rounded the keeper and laid it off to Mark who tapped it in – "greatest goal ever scored" according to Mark "where's my ball" Dawson! Gaffer Spratt then made it four just before half-time with a neat finish.
It was important that Almaty scored first in the second half to dash any hopes of a Bananaskins comeback and that they did through a spectacular goal by Marco. Almaty players were even questioning whether he had scored as it had seemed impossible that he could have scored from such an acute angle – Uncle Jimmy “Lamps” would have been proud of it! Spratt managed to get his second of the game when he got onto the end of a quick corner as the Bananaskins’ players were distracted by some dust-up in the match between City Ramblers and FC Miracle.
Phil “brothel/credit card” Smith then broke free but unfortunately his shoot went high over the bar… the fence… and all the cars in the car park. Minutes later Phil “barn door” Smith unleashed another shot which went sailing… wide and into the fence behind the goal. Marco then showed Phil “Andy Cole circa 96 vintage” Smith how it is done by tapping in another two goals to take his tally to 11 for the season becoming the league’s new top scorer; 1 ahead of Gav “Bitter” Jeffery. In the dying moments of the game “cows arse/banjo” Smith beat a couple of players… was clean through on goal but unfortunately missed again! TAXI for Smith!!!
Almaty fans were listening to the radios to hear the final result of the game between the top two sides. Despite being 2 goals down FC Miracle scored three to cement their position at the top of the table two points ahead of Almaty. The scene has been set for an almighty battle against the lads from Poland next week in the last week of the first round games!
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