Report by Jeremy "3 Steaks" Sweetnam
After a controversial week of recrimination and unseemly public finger pointing, Almaty returned to the scene of last week’s humiliating capitulation to restate their title credentials with a supreme defensive display, which saw them scoop full points from this competitive and highly entertaining encounter with top of the table Slievenamon.
Having already defeated the league’s pacesetters this season, there was a quiet confidence about Almaty last night. Alex “Robbie Savage” O’Donovan was banished to the bench after last week’s misdemeanours (“I was doing an extended warm up” my arse), whilst Tadhg “I love my D.S.” O’Connell lined up at the centre of the back three with Antony “Jesus Christ Ant, that’s horrendous-are you sure you don’t have a medical condition*” Spratt and Jim “pre match pizza“ Butler on either flank. SP, back from his German adventures, started in the middle and “Crouchy” once again led the line. Billy “I actually was doing an extended warm up” Murphy started on the bench. Alas the silky skills of James “Kanu” Galvin and the defensive grit of Morgan “Axel” Foley were still notably absent.
* © Dawson, after a handful of positively nuclear releases from the “Gaffer” at pre-match poker the previous night
It was obvious from the start that this one was going to be like a Lee Chapman relationship, a hard fought affair. With nothing asked for or given, and most of the play condensed into the middle of the park, every missed half chance missed would be rued. Indeed the first half was notable for little, with Almaty perhaps a little unlucky not to be leading at the break. “Crouchy”, in particular, might have had a least one, but in truth neither side could really have much complaint about. There were brief signs of the traditional slick passing interplay between Alex, Lamps and Gav, but overall it was the Almaty defence that shone.
Half time brought with it the usual gibberish about passing and moving, going long, getting tight, keeping tight, going short, shooting early, careless shooting, and the weekly appeal against losing concentration. In the race to have the last word I think it was one of “Robbie Savage” O’Donovan, “I didn’t have any pizza” Butler, or “I love holding my D.S.” O’Connell…
Anyway, the second half commenced as the first had ended, with few chances and stern uncompromising defending. To be fair to Sleivenamon, they were hard but fair. They couldn’t be blamed for the ridiculously high-pitched referee, who sounded sort of like Johnson Keane on helium (“Noooooo waaaaaaaaay, ba, go way outa that, Alex ya langer, you fell over ‘im!”), waving away claims for a number of clear free kicks.
Slievenamon pressed hard and only a fine save from “Safe Feet” Sweetnam prevented them taking the lead but it was at the other end that the deadlock was finally broken. For the umpteenth time the ball was played long to “Crouchy’s” feet (who, for once this season, was dwarfed by Paul bloody O’Connell at centre back), and he held it up neatly before releasing “Now more Robbie Keane than Robbie Savage to be fair” O’Donovan with an exquisitely timed through ball.
O’Donovan slipped it to the left of the on rushing keeper and hooked his foot around the ball to slot home as “OK it was two slices” Butler arrived on the scene like, er, an express train to join in the celebrations in a most David May-like manner…And then for the remaining 15 minutes, Almaty produced a fine rear guard defensive performance to completely shut out a forlorn and frustrated Sleivenamon. Special mention must go to Tadgh “I love getting naked with my D.S.” O’Connell, who produced a display of interceptions, tackling and all around shackling that has not been seen of a Paddy since the Black Pearl single-handedly did a job on Robbie Baggio all those years ago in the Giant’s Stadium.
Indeed the only real chance of substance was to come in the dying minutes when Butler, wiping the pizza from his mouth, played the proverbial hospital pass to the startled “D.S. and I are not lovers” O’Connell. In stole the tricky, Sleive striker and out came “Safe Hands” as the ball was slipped to his right. Cue slow motion head in hands moment as the ball spun just wide…
So Almaty are now right back in the hunt for silverware. Indeed full points from their remaining games could see them at last claim the title – but with last week’s misery still fresh in the mind, nobody is taking anything for granted…
Junior Almaty auditor James "Excel" Galvin, in frustration at missing a sizeable chunk of the Almaty campaign, has audited the league table and come up with the following startling findings:
| P | W | D | L | Points | |
| Almaty | 11 | 8 | 1 | 2 | 25 |
| Whitfords | 11 | 7 | 2 | 2 | 23 |
| Slievenamon | 10 | 6 | 1 | 3 | 19 |
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