Fanatical Almaty Athletic fans spilled onto the streets of the country's second city last night as the boys in blue clinched their first ever title at the hands of hapless Whitfords. In a delightful show of support the natives crammed onto the city's main street and fired multiple rounds from their Kalashnikovs into the air in celebration. A heavy army presence and a more restrained approach to victory resulted in a mere 9 fatalities amidst the rapturous scenes. Indeed authorities must be pleased that the death count was considerably down on the bloodbath of 2004 when Astana Astros won their fourth Central Asian Gypsy Clubbing Title.
In a tense evening, Almaty ultimately romped to a comfortable 7-0 victory and that, along with Slievenamon’s draw last week (which meant they didn't have to rely on those useless Citco feckers who lost 4-1 last night), was enough to secure the league in some style. Once again Almaty started without Morgan 'Who Are Ya' Foley and Jim 'London’s Calling' Butler. Joining them on the sidelines was Alex '56 Days' O'Donovan, who is keen to extend his injury free run by, er, not playing again. Ever. Despite the absentees the line up was a familiar one, with Gav 'Czech Mate' Jeffery leading the line, SP in the middle, and “Tiger” O'Connell, “Gaffer” Spratt, and James “Kazakhstan’s Next Top Model” Galvin at the back. Billy “What About Me” Murphy completed the seven. Again Almaty started tentatively, and, with the game delicately poised, Safehands was called into action twice to repel long range efforts from Whitfords. Soon, though, “Tiger” and “Gaffer” tightened up and Safehands was not called upon again. Instead Almaty gradually took control of the game; and the season. Closely following the script of previous weeks, they went on to miss a series of guilt edged chances. Particularly culpable were Ant “Two Left Feet” Spratt and Gav "Did the Czech Bounce?” Jeffery, who both spurned easy opportunities. 
It was no surprise, however, when a determined SP finally slammed in the first mid way through the first half. Almaty continued to press and grabbed a deserved second before half time. Whitfords were a shadow of the team that did near terminal damage to Almaty’s title charge mid-season and, as news filtered through of Slievenamon's predicament, Almaty relaxed in the second half and thoroughly destroyed their opponents. “A Score is a Score” Jeffery grabbed another three, SP one and “Gaffer” one as the Kazakh maestros ran riot in a flawless display of champagne showboating, which included at least two back heeled finishes. The local council in Almaty has now declared one week of National Celebration in Honour of the Glorious Defenders of the Fatherland and a further day of mourning for its dead fans. “Gaffer” Spratt has lifted the season long sex and alcohol ban as the team will be allowed let their hair down this Friday in the, er, exclusive Redz Nite Club. No doubt this will mean copious amounts of both this weekend for the victorious players. Rumours that Rio Ferdinand has been drafted in to organise the post season party have not been denied by “Gaffer”...
With the breakthrough secured, Almaty relaxed and began to produce better football. Pints tired and Almaty could ping the ball about a bit more. The critical third goal came when Crouchy and Lamps linked up. Crouchy stepped over a ball from defence, Lamps took it forward before playing Crouchy in, and he pinged it home from an acute angle. There was some doubt about the goal but Crouchy was adamant and 
O’Donovan slipped it to the left of the on rushing keeper and hooked his foot around the ball to slot home as “OK it was two slices” Butler arrived on the scene like, er, an express train to join in the celebrations in a most David May-like manner…
For the first time this season, Almaty kept a clean shut-out in standing up to and beating the physical challenge of FC Codger who played to a tie the last time the two teams met.
The Almaty has now earned twenty one points in its last 9 games games (7-1-1). The team is now finding form at its spiritual CIT home this season and maintains its hold on second place in the Astro Conference standings with the league’s joint best record overall (7-1-1, 21 pts.).
A consolation goal was not forthcoming and to be honest was not deserved. Almaty came across a resilient Whitford defence and lacked the guile to break them down. Whitford weren't particularly creative, in fact they didn't really create anything themselves, but Almaty's four gifts were gratefully accepted and they were comfortable defending deep and in numbers to stifle Almaty's attacks. It was a bitter pill for Almaty fans to swallow who are used to seeing their team succeeding.
There were notable performances by Morgan who was solid on his return and from Billy who had an inspired spell when he made some superb tackles. JamesG moved to second on the Universe's All-Time List of Assists, behind Mother Teresa. However it was “Safehands” who picked up the gong for man-of-the-match; his crucial saves ensured Almaty took all three points.
